His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize