she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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