Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
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You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
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Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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