I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
