went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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