I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
