My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
