I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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