if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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