So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
