I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I look excited, but its just a facade.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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