Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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