I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize