i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
