I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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