i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
