Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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