why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize