also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You made out with two different species that night
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
