dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
