U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
