i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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