Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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