I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
