I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I am spending my child support on dildos
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
