all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
