Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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