I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Randomize
