I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
