I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
