friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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