that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
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i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm just crazy horny about you
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I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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