You don't have asthma, your pregnant
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
