i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
