capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
