oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
