Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
