Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
