I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
