It's like God shit irony all over that family
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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