can u get pink eye on your cock?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
