I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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