i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
