Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
