How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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