u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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