Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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