You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
