What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
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It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
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I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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