it was like his penis was on wheels.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
