I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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