I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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