there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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