my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Drunk is a universal language darling
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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