he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
