....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
