i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
