some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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