I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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