I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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