everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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