Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
