My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
