My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
