im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
