I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
