I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize