Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
