I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
