I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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