he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
