Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
