So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
