three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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