It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
