There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
