This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
