The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
